Incomplete Limericks V4

[Benbow]

There once was a woman named Faye
She was quite a tramp, so they say,
When Reverend Wilde
Found that she was with child,
He worriedly said "Let us pray..."

[Benbow]

Another girl - "Kiss-and-tell Sally",
Met a man of the cloth, up an alley,

[Captain Nudnick]

Another girl - "Kiss-and-tell Sally",
Met a man of the cloth, up an alley.
As he took off his collar,
And slipped her a dollar...

[Crusoe]

captainnudnick said:

Another girl - "Kiss-and-tell Sally",
Met a man of the cloth, up an alley.
As he took off his collar,
And slipped her a dollar...

They became more than usually pally.

[Benbow]

She said to the Bishop of Gloucester,
"I think, sir, that you're an impostor,

[Pooka]

benbow said:

She said to the Bishop of Gloucester,
"I think, sir, that you're an impostor,

You're as small as an imp
And you're clearly a p*mp...
My best friend says you always exhaust 'er."




Please, someone save this limerick. Post somethin' better!
My aging brain doesn't work on demand anymore.

[Benbow]

puka said:

benbow said:

She said to the Bishop of Gloucester,
"I think, sir, that you're an impostor,

You're as small as an imp
And you're clearly a p*mp...
My best friend says you always exhaust 'er."




Please, someone save this limerick. Post somethin' better!
My aging brain doesn't work on demand anymore.

There was nothing wrong with that, Pooks. I believe, however, that the bishop's lawyers are keen to contact you.


On her birthday young Pooks should be kissed,
(A temptation I couldn't resist)

[Captain Nudnick]

On her birthday young Pooks should be kissed,
(A temptation I couldn't resist)
Sad to say, it's pathetic,
She'd need anaesthetic
Unless she was thoroughly pissed.

[Benbow]

captainnudnick said:

On her birthday young Pooks should be kissed,
(A temptation I couldn't resist)
Sad to say, it's pathetic,
She'd need anaesthetic
Unless she was thoroughly pissed.

She'd have to be, Cap'n

So, here is my plan, please don't knock it,
There's some chloroform stashed in my pocket...

[Crusoe]

benbow said:

puka said:

You're as small as an imp
And you're clearly a p*mp...
My best friend says you always exhaust 'er."

There was nothing wrong with that, Pooks. I believe, however, that the bishop's lawyers are keen to contact you.

Hee hee. I thought it was pretty funny, too, Benbow but you’re right, perhaps Pook a will have to seek refuge in a foreign contry.

[Crusoe]

benbow said:

So, here is my plan, please don't knock it,
There's some chloroform stashed in my pocket...

She’ll quickly be under,
Her kisses I’ll plunder,
And see if she goes like a rocket.

Ahem, apologies for the deterioration in tone of the limericks – one has to work with the material one’s given, though. That’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it.

[Nurse Duckett]

webb said:

Ahem, apologies for the deterioration in tone of the limericks – one has to work with the material one’s given, though. That’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it.

When sticking to one's excuses
Try not to think of sour juices
They'll purse up your lips
Your hands will make fists

[Captain Nudnick]

When sticking to one's excuses
Try not to think of sour juices
They'll purse up your lips
Your hands will make fists
Wait a mo' till the tension reduces...

dear, dear ... 'lips' - 'fists'? What's your game, Nursie?

[Nurse Duckett]

captainnudnick said:

When sticking to one's excuses
Try not to think of sour juices
They'll purse up your lips
Your hands will make fists
Wait a mo' till the tension reduces...

dear, dear ... 'lips' - 'fists'? What's your game, Nursie?

What's my game Nudders? Cricket of course, thought that had already been established. And what's so terrible about lips and fists, eh? I've seen far worse "rhymes" here.

I dunno, have another go at Incomplete Limericks after a long layoff and I get nitpicked at.



ps. Captain, you ok? Or the tension getting to you, too?
pps. I hereby declare that a No Ball, hah.

[Benbow]

nurseduckett said:

ps. Captain, you ok? Or the tension getting to you, too?
pps. I hereby declare that a No Ball, hah.

It's just the way his trousers hang...

The Captain accuses the Nurse,
Of assonance - what could be worse?