101 uses for a prosthetic foot

[Crusoe]

Actually, I can only think of one use for a prosthetic foot: replacing a real foot that has gone missing.

But I saw a chap walking down the road, carrying a prosthetic foot, the other day. Briefcase in one hand, foot in the other. He seemed to have two perfectly decent feet, already, so what, I wonder, could he have wanted with the spare?

[Captain Nudnick]

Upside down it would be handy as a cobbler's last. A salesman could wedge it in the prospect's open door, thus keeping his own foot safe from being crushed. You could darn socks on it...

[Nurse Duckett]

Darn socks? Darn socks! (coo....... chuck 'em out I say, if they need darning then they're worn out already)

1. To give people a good hard shove on the left shoulder when their eyes glaze over when you're explaining something really interesting

2. To give visiting evangelists a good hard shove on the left shoulder when they start evangelising

3. To throw at the goddammed doves which start shouting at 0430 every morning

4. Paperweight

5. It is ART. Mr. Saatchi says so, probably.

6. Stirring the motherinlaw's tea (he he he)

7. Pedalling when one flesh and blood foot gets tired

8. Voodoo

[Upsetter]

Use it for kicking prosthetic cats.

[Nurse Duckett]

Use if for clobbering to death prosthetic doves and pigeons.
And next-door's cat.
Which thinks it lives here.

[Captain Nudnick]

nurseduckett said:

Darn socks? Darn socks! (coo....... chuck 'em out I say, if they need darning then they're worn out already)

1. To give people a good hard shove on the left shoulder when their eyes glaze over when you're explaining something really interesting

2. To give visiting evangelists a good hard shove on the left shoulder when they start evangelising

3. To throw at the goddammed doves which start shouting at 0430 every morning

4. Paperweight

5. It is ART. Mr. Saatchi says so, probably.

6. Stirring the motherinlaw's tea (he he he)

7. Pedalling when one flesh and blood foot gets tired

8. Voodoo

But not vindaloo...

[Benbow]

This could be a useful visual aid for people who insist on delivering bad puns.

As in:
"Something's afoot!" (Point to prosthetic foot to emphasise the point).

"Dear Mother, I've grown another foot since joining the army..." (Enclose prosthetic foot with letter, as proof).

"Look, I've got foot 'n mouth disease" (Place prosthetic foot in mouth)

Throw at a policeman and say "How's that for footing the Bill?"

Further foot action following this is likely to be curtailed.

[sea horse]

Wouldn't it be a useful accoutrement ...

when you need to get a foot in the door (especially for those who haven't got a leg to stand on), or ...

you want to put your best foot forward (especially for those with two left feet), or ...

when you put your foot in your mouth (especially if you're stupid enough to coat it with egg first).

[Naberius]

Two words: Bigfoot sighting.

[Nurse Duckett]

For practising toe-sucking techniques before starting on the real thing

To stop single guests feeling lonely in the spare bed at night

And

To keep by the door to wave at pesky salesmen who want you to change your gas supply to the electricity company or the electricity supply to the gas company or the phone supply to some outfit you've never heard of or flog you some yellow dusters or start sneering at your windows and claim that you need new double-glazed ones or charity collectors or anyone else who calls at an inconvenient moment such as when England are bowling or batting or one is on the phone to one's lover and then wave it (having previously dipped the ankle end in blood) saying "This is what happened to the last person who called at the wrong time!"

[moonbeam]

If I owned a prosthetic foot I could send somebody else to go shopping for my shoes. I could stay at home watching daytime TV and drinking beer.


I don't much like shopping for shoes.

(though not enough for it to be a 'pet hate').

[moonbeam]

We once had a neighbour who had a prosthetic leg.

The odd thing about it was his feet were real.

[moonbeam]

webb said:

But I saw a chap walking down the road, carrying a prosthetic foot, the other day. Briefcase in one hand, foot in the other. He seemed to have two perfectly decent feet, already, so what, I wonder, could he have wanted with the spare?

Perhaps he was worried about getting a flat foot.

[Upsetter]

to get rid of cramp by transference?

its true actually, I had a pain in the kidney and I solemnly told the GP that it might well be some kind of kidney stone or even failure, only to find out it was lower back transferring pain to somewhere else simply on account of trying to make me look like a hypochondriac.

..actually what the hell is cramp..something to do with too much lactose..god its bloody painful in bed. And somewhat embarrassing on the wrong occasion.

[Upsetter]

Hang on, its Roy Mears on the phone again..bloody nuisance!

..apparently if you rub the foot very swiftly against a coconut tree, the back pain disappears because the arm strain is worse. Also you can set yourself on fire with no problem if Island life becomes a tad too boring.

thanks Ray :/