Lyrics 'n' Pics

[Nurse Duckett]

Here's one for old young Crusoe:

Odd Boy Bonzo Dog

Sport, Sport, masculine sport
Equips a young man for society
Yes sport turns out a jolly good sort
It's an Odd Boy that doesn't like sport!

[Crusoe]

nurseduckett said:

Here's one for old young Crusoe:

Gosh, thanks, Nursie.

nurseduckett said:

Crusoe, I didn't know there were any cricket songs!

Aren’t there lots of songs about cricket? Like:-

"F___in' 'Ell, It’s Fred Titmus!" – Half Man, Half Biscuit

As I was walking round my local store, looking for the ten-pence off Lenor,
When suddenly I bumped in to this guy, on seeing who it was, I gave a cry:

“F___in’ ‘ell, it’s Fred Titmus!”

Jane was pushing baby round the park, when all at once she saw her husband, Mark,
He was with a man down by the stream, so Jane and baby both began to scream:

“F___in’ ‘ell, it’s Fred Titmus!”

As the train pulled into Platform 3, I looked around for my best girl to see,
She disembarked but I didn’t seem to care, ‘cause someone passed that made me stop and stare.

Oh, Dracula comes from Transylvania,
Stevie Nicks books about kleptomania,
Johnny looked out of his bedroom window,
Shouted to his Mum: “Fred Titmus!”





Hmm, as it’s about a cricketer rather than cricket, per se, I suppose you may have a point, after all.

[Pooka]

captainnudnick said:

Thank you... I wonder what kind of tempo "left to right" is? Probably the same sort of direction as "allegro ma non troppo"...

Guess it would depend upon your definition of 'calypso'. The conga line is usually done - uh, horizontally, across the dancefloor... but ma non troppo as well, of course.

[Nurse Duckett]

Here's one for Crusoe and Pooks.

I've got ninety thousand pounds in my pyjamas,
I've got forty thousand french francs in my fridge.
I've got lost of lovely lire,
Now the Deutschemark's getting dearer,
And my dollar bills would buy the Brooklyn Bridge.

Chorus: There is nothing quite as wonderful as money,
There is nothing quite as beautiful as cash.
Some people say it's folly,
But I'd rather have the lolly,
With money you can ma-ake a splash.

[Pooks]

Thanks Nursie. Reminds me of this tune. . . . Here's just the chorus so I don't bore you (the rest is cheesy anyway).

Ocean Front Property George Strait I've got some Ocean Front Property In Arizona From my front porch You can see the sea I've got some Ocean Front Property In Arizona And if you'll buy that I'll throw the Golden Gate in free . . .

[Captain Nudnick]

nurseduckett said:

Here's one for Crusoe and Pooks.

I've got ninety thousand pounds in my pyjamas,
I've got forty thousand french francs in my fridge.
I've got lost of lovely lire,
Now the Deutschemark's getting dearer,
And my dollar bills would buy the Brooklyn Bridge.

Chorus: There is nothing quite as wonderful as money,
There is nothing quite as beautiful as cash.
Some people say it's folly,
But I'd rather have the lolly,
With money you can ma-ake a splash.

Eric Idle?

[Captain Nudnick]

puka said:

captainnudnick said:

Thank you... I wonder what kind of tempo "left to right" is? Probably the same sort of direction as "allegro ma non troppo"...

Guess it would depend upon your definition of 'calypso'. The conga line is usually done - uh, horizontally, across the dancefloor... but ma non troppo as well, of course.

The point is, Pooks, that "tempo" relates to the speed at which a piece is played, and it's sort of hard to map left and right to a speed!

[Pooks]

captainnudnick said:

The point is, Pooks, that "tempo" relates to the speed at which a piece is played, and it's sort of hard to map left and right to a speed!

Well, I'd say this might be the horizontal speed tempo of light.

Although, crabs tend to walk sideways now, don't they? Mind you, crabs are no speed demons...

[Crusoe]

nurseduckett said:

Here's one for Crusoe and Pooks.

Gosh, how lovely of you, again, Nursie.

Unfortunately the only song I could think of that might appeal to a nurse was this

”Medical Love Song” – Lyrics by Graham Chapman

Inflammation of the foreskin
reminds me of your smile
I've had ballanital chancroids
for quite a little while
I gave my heart to NSU
that lovely night in June
I ache for you my darling
and I hope you get well soon.

My penile warts, your herpes
my syphilitic sores
Your moenelial infection
how I miss you more and more
You Dobie's itch, my scrumpox
our lovely gonorrhea
At least we both were lying
when we said that we were clear

Our syphilitic kisses
sealed the secret of our tryst
You gave me scrotal pustules
with a quick flick of your wrist
Your trichovaginitis
sent shivers down my spine
I got snail tracks in my anus
when your spirochetes met mine.

Gonococcal urethritis, streptococcal ballinitis,
Meningo myelitis, diplococcal cephalitis,
Epididymitis, interstitial keratitis,
Syphilitic choroiditis, and anterior u-ve-i-tis.

My clapped out genitalia
is not so bad for me
As the complete and utter failure
every time I try to pee.
My doctor says my buboes
are the worst he's ever seen
My scrotum's painted orange
and my balls are turning green.

My heart is very tender
though my parts are awful raw
You might have been infected
but you never were a bore
I'm dying of your love my love
I'm your spirochaetal clown
I've left my body to science
but I'm afraid they've turned it down.

Gonococcal urethritis, streptococcal ballinitis,
Meningo myelitis, diplococcal cephalitis,
Epididymitis, interstitial keratitis,
Syphilitic choroiditis, and anterior u-ve-i-tis.

[Pooka]

Since we're dedicating ... another Nursie song I thought may make you roll your eyes smile. Sung to the tune of Madonna's "Like A Virgin", of course.

I finally made it through med school Somehow I made it through I'm just an intern, I still make a mistake or two I was last in the class, barely passed at the institute Now I'm tryin' to avoid... yeah, I'm tryin' to avoid A malpractice suit Hey, like a surgeon, cuttin' for the very first time Like a surgeon, organ transplants are my line Better give me all your gauze, Nurse This patient's fading fast Complications have set in, don't know how long he'll last Let me see that I.V. - here we go, time to operate I'll pull his insides out... pull his insides out And see what he ate Hey, like a surgeon, cuttin' for the very first time Like a surgeon, here's a waiver for you to sign It's a fact. I'm a quack, the disgrace of the A.M.A. Coz my patients die... yeah, my patients die Before they can pay. Hey, like a surgeon, cuttin' for the very first time Like a surgeon, got your kidneys on my mind

Oh of course, the image doesn't go with Weird Al's lyrics, but hey... ;D

[Nurse Duckett]

Excellent, Crusoe! what's the tune? LOL!

When Mr Slater's parrot says "hello"
A geezer likes to get one on the go,
We hope to hear him swear, we love to hear him squeak,
We like to see him biting fingers in his horny beak.

Sometimes he wants to whistle through his nose,
While picking up a peanut with his toes,
If Johnny Morris had him on his show,
You'd hear the Führer's favourite say "hello".

Parrot: 'Ello!... 'Ello!... 'Ello!...

(Viv Stanshall)

[Nurse Duckett]

Here's one for anyone who likes Hoagy - Cap'n perhaps?

Hoagy Carmichael composed the song, lyrics by Paul Francis Webster.

Baltimore Oriole

Baltimore Oriole took a look at the mercury – forty below
No life for a lady to be dragging her feathers around in the snow
Leaving me blue, off she flew to the Tangipahoa, down in Louisiana,
Where a two-timing jay bird met the divine Ms. O
I’d like to ruffle his plumage.....

That Baltimore Oriole messed around with that big eye
Till he singed her wings
Forgiving is easy, it’s a woman-like ‘now and then could happen to’-thing
Send her back home,
Home ain’t home without her warberling, how she can sing,
Make a lonely man happy, Baltimore Oriole,
Come down from that bough,
Fly to your Daddy now.

[Nurse Duckett]

puka said:

Since we're dedicating ... another Nursie song I thought may make you roll your eyes smile. Sung to the tune of Madonna's "Like A Virgin", of course.

Don't know that one Pooks, can't stand Madonna, but thanks for the thought and dedication anyway.

[Nurse Duckett]

Here's one dedicated to this island,
and to my best friend, who loves hot heat.

Midnight at the Oasis

Written By: David Nichtern
Sung By: Maria Muldaur

Midnight at the oasis
Send your camel to bed
Shadows painting our faces
Traces of romance in our heads

Heaven's holding a half moon
Shining just for us
Let's slip off to a sand dune, real soon
Kick up a little dust

Oh, Cactus is our friend
He'll point out the way
Come on 'til the evening ends
'Til the evening ends

You don't have to answer
There's no need to speak
I'll be your belly dancer, [romancer]
And you can be my sheik

[Pooka]

nurseduckett said:

Don't know that one Pooks, can't stand Madonna, but thanks for the thought and dedication anyway.

Don't you know, Nursie? I can't stand Madonna either.


But if given the choice between Madonna and Weird Al Yankovic... well, I'd probably choose to go deaf.